Sorry is a video piece about feeling anxious and out of control while speaking in social situations. I have developed the habit of saying “sorry” frequently in conversations when I begin to feel uncertain or uncomfortable with my gestures, words, or actions. Over 7 days I recorded every “sorry” that came out of my mouth; whether it was a sincere “sorry” or the habitual “sorry.” After 7 days, I recorded saying “sorry” seventy times! This incredible amount made me upset with myself, frustrated, and I felt as if I had no control over what I said or did. I felt like a puppet controlled by a piece of me I did not like. The video represents this loss of control which makes me feel uncertain of my identity and questioning the reason and intent behind the words that I say. How sincere can “sorry” mean if you say it 10 times a day?
This piece seemed to accentuate pieces of me which I am struggling to deal with, control and confront. I frequently experience severe anxiety in social settings and it felt as if this piece was throwing my faults back in my face- forcing me to see more of me that I am struggling to accept or change. I will add this to my long list of “self-improvements” that have seemed to consume me in the last few months.